You have finally made partner in a male dominated executive board, you feel on top of the world, invisible and powerful for a minute until things start going south.

You could swear your male counterparts have been looking at you in a funny way during the past two meetings, you wake up to a flat tyre and your assistant just quits on you.

You begin to wonder, everything was going well the past few days, I made partner my long term goal, I literally had my life together. What could I have possibly done wrong? How can I fix this?

This is the upper limit problem in a nutshell, that subconscious self-sabotage that happens when we get a taste of something good could be a promotion, a financial breakthrough, a great healthy relationship or any other measure of success. Many women have this self- defeating belief without even realising it that we are not deserving of success and this quickly makes happy moments backfire on us.

Gay Hendrick wrote the book ‘the big leap’ where he first introduced this theory to the upper limit problem. We all have a limit on how much success, abundance and love we think we deserve. He described an ‘inner thermostat setting, that determines the number of good feelings we allow ourselves to enjoy.

We approach our upper limit problem when we experience an increased level of joy , success or abundance and that is when  we invite in negative thoughts subconsciously that bring us back down into the level of happiness with which we are most comfortable.

We often veil this by thinking ‘being realistic’, ‘modest’, or ‘being careful not to outshine others, but in fact its holding us back from achieving big wins, this can have lasting effects that limit our success down the lane.

How do you know that you are positively challenging yourself and experiencing more abundance than before? When you start feeling unsure or undeserving of happiness.

How to overcome the upper limit problem.

• Recognise your comfort zone

Now that you know what is the upper limit problem and some signs that you might be experiencing it, practising awareness will be a great way to help you recognise your comfort zone, meditation journaling will help you recognise your habitual patterns. Give yourself permission to feel everything and be curious about when you feel you are stepping out and in of your comfort zone.

• Acknowledge what is already great in your life

Being grateful for what you already have will help you become more confident to receiving more of it into your life. So say thank you for the money in your bank account, thank you for that great relationship and tell friends and family you are grateful for them.

• Exceed your limit by pushing yourself to the edge

Lean into the feelings of happiness and try to enjoy them free of judgement. Catch yourself as you begin to evoke images of the worst case scenario and instead return to experiencing the feelings of joy.

• Reframe your discomfort 

Our brains are naturally wired to avoid risk so when your reptilian brain takes over, setting off panic when you’re celebrating success. take a step back and do a reality check, and acknowledge this feeling of discomfort as a positive sign that all your hard work is paying off.